Socially Dead

There is a reason I call my daughter the PITA. She can be a serious pest. (She can be the B word too, but I'm not going there today.) Once she decided that she wanted a blog, she pestered me. She kept saying she wanted to call it Sissies Go Home. She said it was a blog for the socially dead. I thought that was a pretty interesting phrase. I Whois'd it. Available. Then I came up with the tagline, Life is Tough, when you have no Life. The PITA got very excited. I told her the cost of a domain and hosting. That's when she said, "ME LIKEY. I WANT."

Spoiled brat.

So with the kind help of Jester, who set up Wordpress, email, and fixed my header dilemma, the PITA now has a blog. A blog that is far more stylish and cool than mine. A blog that will probably garner far more attention than her attention whore mother. Meh. I can live with that.

So please stop by Socially Dead and say hi to Motley. She already knows the likes of Jester, Fab, Dave's bad monkey, Karl's phallus, Matt's Sunday Disservice, Shiny (the girl), and MaryO. Next thing you know,she'll be doing a duet with Fab at the Big Honking Duet Show!

Before I sign off today I want to share some humpday hotness. I miss hotness. I need more hotness in my life. Today, I'm sharing Will Chalker with you. You straight men need to head to the bottom of this post. I'll share something else with you there. And now, here's Will, he of the luscious wheat colored hair and long lean... um muscles. I have a host of Will pics because my friend Jen used him to represent one of her characters at the Bar. At first, I wasn't all that taken with Will, but you know, those muscles grow on you. And once I saw him smiling in a pic (a Paco Rabanne Black ad) I was a goner.

For the men I have someone whom all the woman seem to think is hot. A little topless Eliza Dushku anyone? She certainly is hot. Personally, I liked Liz from last week better but Eliza's pretty damn hot too. Eliza too was chosen by Jen to represent one of her characters. Jen has an eye for what's hot. And, no. She doesn't have a blog. For those of you who write though, you will find her at JR Ward's Black Dagger Brotherhood message board, where she's a moderator. I'm always envious when she says she's talked to the author on the phone. I can't be too envious though. She's gotten me every one of the BDB books signed!

I hope you enjoyed the Humpday Hotness, and if you get the chance, stop by Socially Dead. Have a great Wednesday!

Media Marcus Monday

This is a media day as well as a Marcus Monday! First off, the awesome Hilly from Snackie Radio had me as her guest on her show yesterday afternoon. Below is the podcast for the show, if you missed it. We talked about all kinds of stuff from writing about vampires, where I'm from, whether I've seen dead people at my work, and how I almost got karled or fabbed. We also talked about Karl's junk, because um, everyone is talking about Karl's junk. Thanks for having me on Hilly!

(If you're looking for the podcast, email me. I'll send you a link.)

The next little bit of media I have to share with you is that I am guest posting at The Absurdist today. Chelle asked me to write about designer purses for her Girly Girl Series. Until I had to put all the purses on my bed and photograph them, I hadn't realized what a purse ho I really was. So in honor of all the purse sluts out there, and because I didn't do a tune last week, here is a purse song.

I have two pics of my favorite man this week. This is Marcus in a commercial for a laundry soap called REI. I think it's Swedish, but who cares really? All we really care about is that Marcus is NEKKID. This man is soooo beautiful. You're all really tired of me saying that, aren't you? I know it's true though. I have good taste. Since I almost got karled I haven't been putting my blog on my desktop, so now I can put Marcus out here in all his beautiful nude glory. I wish he would drop that box of soap though.

On the subject of commercials, Fab says he can totally find the Air France man. Cross your fingers and toes. I can hardly wait to find out the answer to this mystery. Fab will earn himself a fanged t-shirt if he finds this guy. You too can earn a fanged t-shirt by leaving a tagline for this blog in the comments of my post entitled Why Vampires?-A Contest. I am extending the deadline a few more days, because while I've received some really good ones, nothing has really, really leaped out at me as "the one". There are several I could totally live with, but I was hoping for one that just completely says ME.

Our Marcuses for this week go to: Mary, Shiny and Fab with 5 each, Matt, Marty, and the Absurdist with 4, Susan with 3, Jason X, Hilly, Avitable, Lady Rose, Xakara, and Karl with 2, and lots of folks with 1. It's three weeks to the next tally and all your tagline suggestions count. You've got the chance to win two contests here, unless you can beat Fab to the Air France guy, in which case you could win three!

OH! I forgot! I mentioned on Hilly's show that I used to have a hot boyfriend named Austin whom I went to a few swinger's parties with. We never participated, but we did go and check them out. So I promised everyone a pic so you could see that he was a very attractive man. Heh.



Thanks for coming by everyone. Don't get fabbed or karled this week. MUAH!

Freakshow

I'm a little burned out this Friday. Way too much shit coming down in different areas of my life. I seriously need to use up some of those vacation hours that I keep stockpiling. So, in the freakshow that is my life, I first give you a story about my kid and a penis. Oh, wait. Heh. Here's the real intro:

I'm guest blogging at Bluepaintred! (I'm not w00ting out of deference to Karl, who says w00t is not a word. Of course, it's not, Karl. It's a sound. Like MEH.)

Next, I have for you the Slogan thing that Dave did. Mine, in keeping with the theme of my life, was... freaky.

Your Slogan Should Be

Winter; What You'd Eat if You Lived on Mars

The Slogan Generator

Next up is something I cannot even articulate. It pisses me off and raises my blood pressure. I'm sure you will find this amusing. I look at it and want to strangle my teenager.


Another thing in the freakshow of my life is that my damned back still hurts. In fact, I'm starting to feel like my left hip is out of whack. Then I remember falling out of the shower onto that hip about 4 years ago. I have a keloid on the hip now from that fall. But it really feels out of whack. Oh, and the doctor I loved so much... came back to work after having a baby and dismissed me. ME! I have no doctor now. My asthma and I feel like crying. I mean, her name was American. She spoke English without an accent. She had a surfboard on the wall of her office. I feel abandoned.

I'm depressed. I want to spend money I don't have. And everyone's blog made me smile tonight. Except Jason X's. I actually laughed at his. Okay, maybe I chuckled at Diesel's soda badger. But nothing has made me really really laugh since Fab posted the mummy with the caption I Can Has Moisturizer? And even freakier than that, this is my favorite LOL:



Last night, I gave Jester 3/4's of my hotties. What was I thinking? Now, we'll be posting the same guys! Okay, I saved some good ones for myself. After all, I love them more than he does. I think. Shit. I think I got the pics off some gay guy's site. So maybe Jester does love hotties more than me. All gay men seem to have the best hotties on their sites. But do they have... Ian Somerhalder? I think not! HA!


And speaking of hotties, Hilly's car just might get supplanted in my heart. Turnbaby's car is THUD. Oh, how I love the smell of octane in the morning... Injected engines full throttle on a long stretch of open highway. Just not the one where James Dean died. I've seen the weird ass monument to him out there in the middle of nothing. It's a piece of silver metal wrapped around a tree. It's insulting if you think about how he died.

Freaky might be my life at the moment, but if you haven't seen Matt's Pope hat, check it out. He was way hotter than Benny and I spent more time on his site this morning than I did watching Benny's mass. And if the Pope hat is too reverent for you, best go look at Hellohahanarf's first Half Nekkid Thursday. I have never seen a woman so happy to hold her feet in the air when the camera was rolling. I know it's not her most recent blog post, but shit. All of her posts are worth reading and this one is worth ogling. Heh.

I think there was something else I was gonna talk about in this freakshow that is my life, but I can't remember what it is. So you will just have to live with this fucked up post. How bad can it be anyway? It doesn't have a fake naked Hermione or Harry Potter's real foreskin. No one but Avitable could post that anyway. I don't eat or drink when I visit his site. I'd go broke replacing monitors if I did. Wait. I already am broke.

Now, that I've pimped and ass kissed my way through a freakshow of a Friday post, here's a song for you since I didn't have one this past Tuesday. I wonder if you will get the irony of it... Oh, and BTW, if I didn't pimp you out today, remind me that I owe you a toe licking or something if we ever meet.



Okay, I'm outta here. I'm going to bed with Anderson Cooper. Hopefully, I'll get to sleep before Lou Dobbs comes on. He's not nearly as good a bed partner as Anderson. Happy Freakshow Friday peoples!

How I Almost Got Karled

Visitors to my blog are usually most welcome. However, as those of you who read my Monday rant know, I don't always deal well with PAQs. Well, while I was ranting about PAQs from a website that shall remain nameless, someone from my own workplace was going through these very archives. Not to find out more about me, but to find things that could be shown to the management of the company I work for. This wasn't something someone found by accident. So no longer can I come here and vent or rant to get things off my chest. Some things have become off limits for fear that my child and I will not be able to afford the roof over our heads.

My six word memoir meant nothing to his person. This person doesn't care if I have a heart. Or feelings. Or a child to support. This person ignored every GOOD thing I had to say about my work. And I've mentioned a number of GOOD things because I really do like where I work.

I would feel violated if it wasn't so predictable in this world we live in. People don't think about the fact that Britney Spears can sing really well. All they want to focus on is the fact that she's having a mental breakdown. How the hell is that any of our business anyway? But this media rich diet we live on dictates that the meat is always sweeter the closer to the bone... so cut deeper to get the dirt and fuck it if it hurts anyone!

Shiny told me a story not long ago about going to a restaurant to have dinner with her DH. She was unwinding from a rough day, telling him about how her supervisor had been treating her in an unprofessional manner. Lo and behold, who walks in? That very supervisor. The world being what it is, had that supervisor overheard her personal conversation with her husband, Shiny could have been fired. The supervisor was already treating her in an unprofessional manner and creating a climate of fear in the office. I don't know if Shiny was afraid for her job, but many people in her shoes would have been. So even words to your husband can be used against you in this world we live in. Cause guess what? There really is no such thing as freedom of speech. We pay for every freaking thing we say or do.

I didn't get Karled. It wasn't even brought up. It was left to the HR Manager to speak to me. She had some sage words for me, which I'm not going to repeat. There are going to be a number of things I won't repeat anymore. At least not out here. I've been toying with the idea of creating a private blog so I can vent as much as I want without fear of repercussion. If you noticed this morning, there were 71 posts on this blog. Not any more. I saved the deleted ones, including my last TT. If I do create a private blog, I'll drop my deleted posts there... as a shrine to Karl.

If any of you missed Karl's story, here is the link: I'm Not Going to Say I Got Dooced, But I Did

I guess I'm not as cynical as I thought I was. I was shocked that Karl was karled. I was shocked that Dave got hate mail over a cartoon. I felt a twinge of hurt when the guys in the sim took one girl's "joke" about my name on a bathroom wall and turned it into a big funny haha thing...when it sure seemed to me that she was calling me a slut without calling me one... Maybe I'm too tenderhearted to be a cynic. But you know what hurts the worst of any of the shit that's come down recently? That someone who really does care about people, is never seen in that light. Maybe THAT is the real reason that this is my memoir.
Next time, read ALL of the words. Not just the ones you think are disgusting. Because when you read one post without reading all 70... and you insist on judging me by that post... you've just told the world exactly what you are, without me having to say - or write - a word.

Marcus Monday - After the Duets Are Done

Before I get started on the fun stuff, everyone please send Kyra Sutra some positive energy. Things are not going so well for her, and she could use all the good wishes, comfort, and support we can give her. I wish she lived nearby so I could coax her to eat and take care of herself, and just give her a hug and let her know people care about her.

Since it's Marcus Monday and I'm bumming, I need a serious dose of my favorite hot guy today. Umm umm. He does look delicious there. Now, do you see why writing Alaric Kohl curls my toes? If you didn't read my guest blogger post by Lex and Car, you should. When they talk about Alaric, it's all about Marcus to me since Marcus is the physical representation of Alaric. He really does make my achy back feel better, just to look at him. Makes me wonder how he'd make me feel in person. I bet my back would get better right away. Heh.

Speaking of yummy men, three blogs with hotness come to mind. Jester, whom I only just checked out this weekend, has some hotness on his blog from Friday. The middle dude was yummo. He had the hottest eyes. The second hottie is David over at BellaDaddyBlog, who posted 2 pics. One was recent and the other was from when we were in high school. If you hop over to his blog you'll see that I sure can pick em. I always did have a good eye for a hot man. It helps that David is the sweetest, funniest guy ever too. The third hot dude is Karl from Secondhand Tryptophan. Karl has been writing about sex lately. He does this very well too. And his blog is looking smoking hot these days, all new and gorgeous. Stop by and check out these yummy dudes.

Did you check out the LOL cat pic I made on Sunday? It's Neko and Swirly. Neko whose name is now PREGO. Anyone want what is sure to be a beautiful *cough* maniacal *cough* kitten? Yes, my kid let me down once again. I know that this is what teens do to you, promise and lag at following through, but I am upset nonetheless. It does not help that the PITA tells me, "Things could be worse, Mom. I could be pregnant." I did not need to hear that.

So now, I am at the Marcus awards for this Monday. It was a slow week for reacharounds, er comments. Some bloggers were taking some time off. Others were just busy. And I'm sure some just didn't wanna read my shit. It's all good. Life ebbs and flows. Rather like a septic tank. Our top earner this week is Shiny with 5. Then we have Mary and Susan with 4 each. Followed by Matt, Kaige, Kyra, and Karl with 2 each. Our onesies are Nicholas, Tempest, Jennifer, Darla, Harris, Ann, Pussreboots, Adelle, The Absurdist, Turnbaby, Anthony North, Missy, Blufeenix, Euroyank, and Metalmom. Next week is our recap to date. We are getting very close to end of this Marcus contest. I'm thinking I should change up the criteria for the next round, but I'm still pondering that.

Before I sign off, I first want to say that Mr. Fabulous had the BEST show ever on Sunday night. It was the Big Honkin' Duet Show and the songs were fantastic! Some people were excellent singers, others were poor singers but such AWESOME sports, and others were just going for the laughs. All in all, a simply superb time was had by all. I may even lend my well trained but disease abused vocal cords to the next show. If my vocal cords are damaged beyond what sounds pleasant to the ear, I'll go for the laughs somehow. I know Fab will assist me ably there.

My last comment before bed is that if you ever wanted to know how to be a girly girl, please visit the Absurdist. She is taking us step by step through the whole process. This week... eyelashes. How to make sure that you have some to bat at men. Heh. An excellent video tutorial. Have a great Monday everyone!