Socially Dead

There is a reason I call my daughter the PITA. She can be a serious pest. (She can be the B word too, but I'm not going there today.) Once she decided that she wanted a blog, she pestered me. She kept saying she wanted to call it Sissies Go Home. She said it was a blog for the socially dead. I thought that was a pretty interesting phrase. I Whois'd it. Available. Then I came up with the tagline, Life is Tough, when you have no Life. The PITA got very excited. I told her the cost of a domain and hosting. That's when she said, "ME LIKEY. I WANT."

Spoiled brat.

So with the kind help of Jester, who set up Wordpress, email, and fixed my header dilemma, the PITA now has a blog. A blog that is far more stylish and cool than mine. A blog that will probably garner far more attention than her attention whore mother. Meh. I can live with that.

So please stop by Socially Dead and say hi to Motley. She already knows the likes of Jester, Fab, Dave's bad monkey, Karl's phallus, Matt's Sunday Disservice, Shiny (the girl), and MaryO. Next thing you know,she'll be doing a duet with Fab at the Big Honking Duet Show!

Before I sign off today I want to share some humpday hotness. I miss hotness. I need more hotness in my life. Today, I'm sharing Will Chalker with you. You straight men need to head to the bottom of this post. I'll share something else with you there. And now, here's Will, he of the luscious wheat colored hair and long lean... um muscles. I have a host of Will pics because my friend Jen used him to represent one of her characters at the Bar. At first, I wasn't all that taken with Will, but you know, those muscles grow on you. And once I saw him smiling in a pic (a Paco Rabanne Black ad) I was a goner.

For the men I have someone whom all the woman seem to think is hot. A little topless Eliza Dushku anyone? She certainly is hot. Personally, I liked Liz from last week better but Eliza's pretty damn hot too. Eliza too was chosen by Jen to represent one of her characters. Jen has an eye for what's hot. And, no. She doesn't have a blog. For those of you who write though, you will find her at JR Ward's Black Dagger Brotherhood message board, where she's a moderator. I'm always envious when she says she's talked to the author on the phone. I can't be too envious though. She's gotten me every one of the BDB books signed!

I hope you enjoyed the Humpday Hotness, and if you get the chance, stop by Socially Dead. Have a great Wednesday!

Freakshow

I'm a little burned out this Friday. Way too much shit coming down in different areas of my life. I seriously need to use up some of those vacation hours that I keep stockpiling. So, in the freakshow that is my life, I first give you a story about my kid and a penis. Oh, wait. Heh. Here's the real intro:

I'm guest blogging at Bluepaintred! (I'm not w00ting out of deference to Karl, who says w00t is not a word. Of course, it's not, Karl. It's a sound. Like MEH.)

Next, I have for you the Slogan thing that Dave did. Mine, in keeping with the theme of my life, was... freaky.

Your Slogan Should Be

Winter; What You'd Eat if You Lived on Mars

The Slogan Generator

Next up is something I cannot even articulate. It pisses me off and raises my blood pressure. I'm sure you will find this amusing. I look at it and want to strangle my teenager.


Another thing in the freakshow of my life is that my damned back still hurts. In fact, I'm starting to feel like my left hip is out of whack. Then I remember falling out of the shower onto that hip about 4 years ago. I have a keloid on the hip now from that fall. But it really feels out of whack. Oh, and the doctor I loved so much... came back to work after having a baby and dismissed me. ME! I have no doctor now. My asthma and I feel like crying. I mean, her name was American. She spoke English without an accent. She had a surfboard on the wall of her office. I feel abandoned.

I'm depressed. I want to spend money I don't have. And everyone's blog made me smile tonight. Except Jason X's. I actually laughed at his. Okay, maybe I chuckled at Diesel's soda badger. But nothing has made me really really laugh since Fab posted the mummy with the caption I Can Has Moisturizer? And even freakier than that, this is my favorite LOL:



Last night, I gave Jester 3/4's of my hotties. What was I thinking? Now, we'll be posting the same guys! Okay, I saved some good ones for myself. After all, I love them more than he does. I think. Shit. I think I got the pics off some gay guy's site. So maybe Jester does love hotties more than me. All gay men seem to have the best hotties on their sites. But do they have... Ian Somerhalder? I think not! HA!


And speaking of hotties, Hilly's car just might get supplanted in my heart. Turnbaby's car is THUD. Oh, how I love the smell of octane in the morning... Injected engines full throttle on a long stretch of open highway. Just not the one where James Dean died. I've seen the weird ass monument to him out there in the middle of nothing. It's a piece of silver metal wrapped around a tree. It's insulting if you think about how he died.

Freaky might be my life at the moment, but if you haven't seen Matt's Pope hat, check it out. He was way hotter than Benny and I spent more time on his site this morning than I did watching Benny's mass. And if the Pope hat is too reverent for you, best go look at Hellohahanarf's first Half Nekkid Thursday. I have never seen a woman so happy to hold her feet in the air when the camera was rolling. I know it's not her most recent blog post, but shit. All of her posts are worth reading and this one is worth ogling. Heh.

I think there was something else I was gonna talk about in this freakshow that is my life, but I can't remember what it is. So you will just have to live with this fucked up post. How bad can it be anyway? It doesn't have a fake naked Hermione or Harry Potter's real foreskin. No one but Avitable could post that anyway. I don't eat or drink when I visit his site. I'd go broke replacing monitors if I did. Wait. I already am broke.

Now, that I've pimped and ass kissed my way through a freakshow of a Friday post, here's a song for you since I didn't have one this past Tuesday. I wonder if you will get the irony of it... Oh, and BTW, if I didn't pimp you out today, remind me that I owe you a toe licking or something if we ever meet.



Okay, I'm outta here. I'm going to bed with Anderson Cooper. Hopefully, I'll get to sleep before Lou Dobbs comes on. He's not nearly as good a bed partner as Anderson. Happy Freakshow Friday peoples!

Tuesday Tunes and Wheezing

My brain has been furiously running through songs since I offered up my fractured vocal cords on the altar of Fab's next Duet show. This is an especially tough thing for me because once upon a time, I had a very beautiful singing voice. Ask David from BellaDaddyBlog. He'll tell you I could wring tears from your eyes. And not because I sang like fingernails on a chalkboard either. Pffft.

When I turned 30, I was diagnosed with asthma. Don't laugh. Some people don't get it as a kid. There have been several females in my family who got asthma after the age of 30. I thought it wasn't a big deal. Then I got a very nasty case of pneumonia. And another. And another. In the space of 5 years, I'd had it 6 or 7 times. Now, years later, I have the horrid asthmatic wheeze and cough. Meds keep me breathing and attack free, but there has been a price to pay to continue breathing... my vocal cords and breath control. Both are now nicely shot. It's the toughest pill I've had to swallow of all the meds I've had over the past 17 years since I was diagnosed.

For me to offer to sing is like asking a painter who is now blind to create a watercolor. Tough stuff. I can half assed carry a tune, but it's a pathetic shadow of my former glorious voice. I goof mostly now, because to do anything serious puts me in tears. Only David knows how truly hard this is for me. But David being the kind of man he is, he would tell me to do it anyway, and fuck it if I don't sound like an angel any more. He would tell me to just have fun. (You're gonna send me an email now, aren't you, David? Telling me everything I just attributed to you, right? Don't make me out a liar, dude.)

So anyway, here are the songs I've decided I might be able to pull off with Fab. I have something else up my sleeve too, but it's super secret and seriously amusing. My sense is that if it tickles Fab's funny bone the way it tickles mine... I might just have to do it. However, it means lots and lots and lots of practice for my asthmatic self. I wonder if I can manage a take without a wheeze or a cough? Maybe I should leave them in. After all, if I can't be the Diva anymore I might as well be Red Skelton, right? Enjoy the tunes!

Marcus Monday - After the Duets Are Done

Before I get started on the fun stuff, everyone please send Kyra Sutra some positive energy. Things are not going so well for her, and she could use all the good wishes, comfort, and support we can give her. I wish she lived nearby so I could coax her to eat and take care of herself, and just give her a hug and let her know people care about her.

Since it's Marcus Monday and I'm bumming, I need a serious dose of my favorite hot guy today. Umm umm. He does look delicious there. Now, do you see why writing Alaric Kohl curls my toes? If you didn't read my guest blogger post by Lex and Car, you should. When they talk about Alaric, it's all about Marcus to me since Marcus is the physical representation of Alaric. He really does make my achy back feel better, just to look at him. Makes me wonder how he'd make me feel in person. I bet my back would get better right away. Heh.

Speaking of yummy men, three blogs with hotness come to mind. Jester, whom I only just checked out this weekend, has some hotness on his blog from Friday. The middle dude was yummo. He had the hottest eyes. The second hottie is David over at BellaDaddyBlog, who posted 2 pics. One was recent and the other was from when we were in high school. If you hop over to his blog you'll see that I sure can pick em. I always did have a good eye for a hot man. It helps that David is the sweetest, funniest guy ever too. The third hot dude is Karl from Secondhand Tryptophan. Karl has been writing about sex lately. He does this very well too. And his blog is looking smoking hot these days, all new and gorgeous. Stop by and check out these yummy dudes.

Did you check out the LOL cat pic I made on Sunday? It's Neko and Swirly. Neko whose name is now PREGO. Anyone want what is sure to be a beautiful *cough* maniacal *cough* kitten? Yes, my kid let me down once again. I know that this is what teens do to you, promise and lag at following through, but I am upset nonetheless. It does not help that the PITA tells me, "Things could be worse, Mom. I could be pregnant." I did not need to hear that.

So now, I am at the Marcus awards for this Monday. It was a slow week for reacharounds, er comments. Some bloggers were taking some time off. Others were just busy. And I'm sure some just didn't wanna read my shit. It's all good. Life ebbs and flows. Rather like a septic tank. Our top earner this week is Shiny with 5. Then we have Mary and Susan with 4 each. Followed by Matt, Kaige, Kyra, and Karl with 2 each. Our onesies are Nicholas, Tempest, Jennifer, Darla, Harris, Ann, Pussreboots, Adelle, The Absurdist, Turnbaby, Anthony North, Missy, Blufeenix, Euroyank, and Metalmom. Next week is our recap to date. We are getting very close to end of this Marcus contest. I'm thinking I should change up the criteria for the next round, but I'm still pondering that.

Before I sign off, I first want to say that Mr. Fabulous had the BEST show ever on Sunday night. It was the Big Honkin' Duet Show and the songs were fantastic! Some people were excellent singers, others were poor singers but such AWESOME sports, and others were just going for the laughs. All in all, a simply superb time was had by all. I may even lend my well trained but disease abused vocal cords to the next show. If my vocal cords are damaged beyond what sounds pleasant to the ear, I'll go for the laughs somehow. I know Fab will assist me ably there.

My last comment before bed is that if you ever wanted to know how to be a girly girl, please visit the Absurdist. She is taking us step by step through the whole process. This week... eyelashes. How to make sure that you have some to bat at men. Heh. An excellent video tutorial. Have a great Monday everyone!

Winter's Big Pimp'N Friday

Since I am guest blogging over at The Kyra Sutra, I thought I would throw a hodge podge of things at you here. Something simple. I figured I would pimp a few things, show off a couple pics, rant and bitch a little, and uh, tease you. Of course, such a simple idea can snowball if you're talking to Shiny when you're spouting off your ideas. She said, "Ooh, pimpin' stuff on Friday. What a great end to the week!" I'm thinking, I wasn't gonna do THAT much pimping. Then she got really quiet and I wondered if she went to get coffee... Oh, no. That would have almost been better than what she did go do. She popped up fairly quickly and dropped a link into the IM window. What appeared was this:



You're laughing. I know I did. I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants. (Must stop drinking so much Diet Dr. Pepper.) I'm not crazy about the hat, but I LOVE the Pimp Goblet. Or whatever they call it. So now, because Shiny went to so much trouble to ensure that this is Big Pimp'N Friday, I give you, my pimps of the week:

Greg from the horse racing sim didn't like any of the music I posted this week. Therefore, this pimp is for Superhopper, a band near and dear to Greg's heart. If Greg comes online before I finish writing this post I'll get a picture of Kermit, the singer, to add to this. The pic I'm thinking of is a must see. The music rocks and my fave is the very first song!

Next, on my pimp list is a message board near and dear to MY heart. It's run by a hot young Scottish lad who stands 6'10". It's called Zanctuary and the folks there love new people. Most of the members are female, so if you are male and you like being hit on, having your ego stroked, and pretty much having a harem, this message board could be for you! However, since some of the people are, ahem, sexually open (into BDSM, bisexual, etc) you shouldn't go there if you aren't like minded, or at least quite tolerant. Women may find the place rather fun too, but I really think the men would like it more. I've brought a bunch of guys there. They all love the attention!

I want to give a shout out to some people with new blogs. First up is Shiny. She was supposed to write a rant about how she wanted to be the only Shiny, only to discover there is a male Shiny. I haven't been there yet to see if she did. However, we can all run over there and check her out at RxVenomQueen's Thoughts. Now, the male Shiny is apparently a new blogger too! His blog is quite amusing. You have to read the one with the email to his brother using spam. Shiny, the man, can be found at Shiny's Takeout. Now, if I tout Her Shinyness, I must also tout My Biotch, Mary. Mary's blog is no frills. So is her writing, but you will still come away with a chuckle at the very least. Mary's Two Cents from Flippen is worth a read. Oh, and there's hotties today. Woot! And last but never least, is the gal that everyone knows from her comments. Hellohahanarf opened up shop and boy, is she doing some hot biz! You will find her standing on a Midnight Cliff.

Mr. Fabulous has a CLEAVAGE CONTEST going on at his blog and he posted his cubicle for all to see. In honor of his cubicleness, I am posting a pic of my office, which isn't an office. It's just a big desk in a big room with a bunch of other desks. This pic was taken last October, but nothing much has changed. Just my computer's desktop and our phone system. That's the old phone in the left corner of the pic, and a hot Scotsman on my desktop. I put a screenshot of my blog on my desktop every morning now.



Matt-Man is gearing up for a BIG weekend. After all, Friday is GOOD Friday, and we know Matt is yummy and good. He's really been on it with the religious stuff recently, but his meatlessness will be at an end this weekend. I'm sure there will be many "Praise Jeebus" choruses heard in Bagwine in the next 72 hours. Not being a Catholic, although I have some crazy baptismal certificate that says I'm one, I don't know much about all this religious stuff. I coulda sworn Palm Sunday was a masturbatory holiday. Swing by Matt's place and see how he's preparing to partake of meat once more.

Now, don't forget that I'm supposed to be going over to The Kyra Sutra to post some fuction, er fiction about butt sex. Turnbaby got the crowd all hot and bothered with some hot Southern style lunchtime sex, and I am gonna deliver some explicit California style erotica where my heroine gives up her little rosebud to our tatted down hero. Yes! A chance to be free of my home-blog constraints! If Kyra can post Dean's naked ass on her blog, I can certainly post some fiction about a fairy taking it up the ass.

That's it for the Big Pimp'N Friday post. Come see how outrageous I get over at Kyra's. Cause ya know, we all need a little fuction sometimes!

Distracted Tuesday Tunes

No one mention Twinkies, okay? Oh, the inhumanity! No, I'm not talking about how my boss lives on the things. Although, that's kind of inhumane too. Or would be if he didn't love Twinkies...

On this lovely Tuesday, I have a tune for you! I hate remakes. Usually. But ya know, I came across this one by accident, and I really like it. I had a copy of U2 doing Paint It Black and it was good. Cause ya know, everything U2 does is freaking good. They are the best thing to come out of Ireland since St. Patrick told the snakes to take a hike. Well, not really. I think Guinness is the best thing, but I don't drink it personally so I have no frame of reference. Rott loves his Guinness Extra Stout though. BAH! The song, the song! Shit!

So I have this copy of Paint It Black. And it's cool. I love it. In fact, I'm pretty certain I love it more than the original. So take a listen to Vanessa Carlton!

Next week I might be persuaded to play Pussy Liquor... I know you all love Rob Zombie. If you don't, you'll like the song anyway I bet. Oh, hell. Here it is... I starting thinking about Dean aka The 109 and now Pussy Liquor is stuck in my head! It's a total sex song. A pole dancing song... pole dancing in a thong and Frederick's corset and some sexy suede ankle straps. Roger Vivier ankle straps... Ohhhhh, yesss... I am so getting off track every time I turn around in this post!



Now, Mary really dug on the hottie last week so I'm bringing him back. This guy's name is Roman. I only have three pics of him, the hot pic from last week, this week's Russian themed pic, and a head shot. I like last week's pic better than this one, but this one has a lot more skin to it. Can't argue with more skin. Although Marcus in a kilt is better than this guy in the flesh. They were talking about kilts on Sunday in someone's chatroom at BTR and all I could think of was the pic I have of Marcus in a kilt... Ohhhhh, yesss... See? There I go again with the distractions! Geez. What's up with me today? I wonder what Dean looks like in a kilt?


Since I always neglect the men, I decided to be nice to them today. Here is Kristen Bell. In the Bar Story, Kristen's the physical representation of Isolde Vespera aka Sol. If you happened to read that hot excerpt from the Bar where Weylyn has sex with Sol in a stall in the men's room at Wicked Pleasures, now maybe you can visualize it a little better. If you didn't read it the last time I posted it, click on Weylyn's name. Make sure you turn on a fan though.

Well, that's it this Tuesday. I've been distracted all over the place. I blame it on Kyra and Fab and Matt. Matt starts showing off his organ for Half Nekkid Thursdays. Then Fab posts massive boobage. And the biggest sinner of them all is Kyra posting Dean's hot naked butt. The camel kinda messed me up, but the ass was fine! Thank you all for coming by to laugh at me getting distracted!

PS To Commenters: Make it funny. And relevant to this post. Otherwise, if you're just coming here to smack about something from another blog, I'll use the power of the delete, cause ya know, it's all already old.

A Dooney Kyra Marcus Monday

I never got around to posting (or blog hopping - sorry everyone!) this weekend. I got totally wrapped up in the Bar, writing sex scenes, arguments, vamps drinking blood during sex, introducing a new character who is the Blood Mistress, turning a hot couple into a threesome, psychos trying to kill their ex-girlfriend with a crossbow... all kinds of stuff. I had a very busy weekend at the Bar! Whew!

Then on Sunday, I was mired in Blog Talk Radio. Fab's show was a little controversial. The 18 year old right wing Republican he had on made some comments about Iraq and she was sorta arrogant about it which totally pissed off Kyra, whose DH Dean is scheduled to go back there soon. Since I have a nephew who's been to Hell Iraq a few times, I took exception to the 18 year old as well. Even MY 18 year old did. Fab smoothed it over though (by humming Taps), and frankly, I don't think the kid even realized what she said, how she said it, or even sees anyone else's POV. Sad really.

Turnbaby had the president of BTR on. That was interesting. Playing Quid Pro Quo with him and John Sweet who had shut down Kyra the week before. After that Kyra came on and it was the FUNNEST and FUNNIEST show EVER! Fab was on and Turnbaby and Shiny (the guy Shiny, not MY Shiny who is a luscious female) called in... OMG. I still cannot stop laughing. Fab called my kid, Motley, and that was amusing. Motley laughed and laughed. It was so good Kyra had to add a half hour to her show. I'm not gonna say what all happened, but I will say this... DEAN IS THE SHIT. If you haven't been by Kyra's blog, you should go. You'll find a link on the right side panel.

So, I got the Dooney purse last week. I am still having orgasms over it. I want to sleep with it, but I fear I would get no sleep. Instead of inundating all of you with a dozen pics of the purse I will post just the one pic with Marcus (since it's Monday) and give you this link - Dooney Giraffe Purse. That is a little photo record of my first real Dooney purse purchase straight from Dooney online. At the bottom of that page is the purse I was trying to get from eBay the day my battery died. Now, I'm glad I didn't get it, because once I got a REAL one, I could so tell that the one on eBay was a fake! Anyway, I get all shivery when I touch the darn thing. It's nice to buy something expensive for myself once in awhile.

It's Monday, so I need to share Marcus with you all again. This is one of my favorite pics of him. I love him in underwear. It's so... suggestive. So... yummy. And this underwear pic is more suggestive than most. Loaded. Yup. My sense is that Marcus is definitely loaded. In the Bar, I sometimes post pics of Alaric (Marcus) and I've been saving this pic to use when Lex gives Alaric these underwear and makes a joke about the brand that is plastered all over his crotch. Of course, as many Alaric and Alexandria posts do, this one (when I write it) is slated to end in a lovely sex scene. There is nothing finer than a post with sex between Al and Lex.

And now, it's time for the Marcus Awards. This week we had a LOT of new people post comments. However, we still do not have the name of the Air France man. Don't forget there's a prize for that too. Here's our Marcus winners: Shiny and Mary got 5 each. Fab and Matt got 4 each. Susan, Kyra, and Tempest got 3 each. Everyone else, including my kid Motley, got one each. The list was so long I don't dare post it. I have it though, so not to worry. If you posted last week, I have your name!

The Marcus Award monthly recap numbers include the first month's recap as well, so it's a total to date, since we are at the half way point (sorta). Remember, this contest ends the last week of May and the prize will be awarded the first week in June, when the next 6 month contest starts up. At that point, if this blog is doing well, I may have to go to quarterly awards! WOOT!

Lots of people have won the Marcus Award since February, but I'm going to list only our double digit winners. If your name isn't listed and you want to know how many Marcuses you've earned, leave a comment and I'll reply with your total. At the halfway point, our leader is Mary with 24 Marcuses, followed by Matt-Man with 20, Susan with 17, Shiny with 16, Fab and Nicholas with 12 each, and Tempest with 11. I'm tempted to say, as Snackie does, Stalk Me Much? However, I happen to like this kind of stalking. I'll be excited to send out a prize to the winner in June. If you're not in the top 3, you still have a chance to win. Just read and post comments!

Have a great Marcus Monday and don't forget to come back around tomorrow for a tune and another pic of that hot guy I posted for Mary last week that had all you ladies drooling.

Tuesday Tune, A Girl With Fangs, and My Ho-ness

Over at the Bar, Mary made the very valid point that I am not a pimp, I'm a ho. So I guess it isn't being a pimp to ask everyone to stop by Blogs We Luv today to read what they've posted about me! It's an exciting thing to me. As exciting as the prospect of Fab making me cry on his show when he pops my cherry. Being a ho is fun!

I also referenced myself as the Proprietress of PornFest over at Blogography. Dave took that in stride. I think it's because Fab says such outrageous stuff all the time that you can pretty much say anything to someone who knows him and they will swallow it whole. Not that I'm NOT the Proprietress of PornFest. When Rott turns on PornFest, I'm the only girl in the house, 'cept for the ones on every TV in the house. Since it's my house, that makes me the Proprietress. I really don't mind PornFest. I actually like porn. I even like some of the lesbian porn Dave was trying to decide on. Those of you who have been reading this blog since its inception, oh, two months ago, know that I like porn. Those of you who are new to this den of iniquity... not only do I like porn, I like butt sex. GASP! Shocking, isn't it? I guess I really am a ho...

I did ho myself around in a few places. I posted about Fab's radio show at the Bar and the horse racing sim. I posted at Zanctuary too, and I even mentioned being on Today's Gripe. I haven't hit up all the places I go yet, but it's early days. By May, everyone I know will be eager to tune into Fab's show to hear my smoky Stevie Nicks voice.

My Tuesday tune is a favorite of mine. I had it on my MySpace for quite awhile, I liked it so much. I hope you enjoy it! I put it up today not just because it's Tuesday and I like the song, but because I have another taste of the Bar for you - it's the Girl With Fangs again, Lex Valentine. In this post, Lex goes to her friend Dominic's house because the band she manages is there. The band, The Dark Ones of the Disgraced, - or the DOD - is falling apart. They lost their bassist and their drummer just lost his mate. The drummer is in bad shape, and Lex is going to try to shore him up because the band has a album to finish. Dominic Solent, the band's producer, is at his wit's end and hopes that Lex can whip these guys back into shape. This is Lex's first time seeing the guys since she found out she's pregnant, so there's a few jokes in there about her husband Alaric's sperm. Hope you like it! Click HERE to read the post.

I have a buttload of work to do for the Bar. I'm feeling a little rejuvenated though because we got ourselves a new writer today. We welcomed our third male writer to the Bar. He's another hot Scotsman, a close friend of our current hot Scotsman, Dee. Dee and Nath bring a whole new element to the Bar Story, and I'm looking forward to seeing how it all plays out.

One last thing on my ho-ness. I'm wondering if it was my pimpage of myself that got Diesel to stop by and post a comment. I mean, to me, that's like Marcus Schenkenberg knocking on my door and asking if I wanna go drink a pitcher or two of margaritas with him. I love Diesel. He's like the penultimate in funny. I could never aspire to be even half as amusing as his pinkie. Okay, Dave's cuter, Matt has a bigger organ, and Fab can fist, but Diesel has... cache. I dunno. I about peed my pants when I saw he left a comment on here. My ho-ey self totally preened. Mary called it alright. I am such a freaking ho. Happy Tuesday peeps!

Marcus Monday Mutterings

So, I'm a little tweaked that my first night listening to Blog Talk Radio got censored. I really loved all the shows, but when the "network" guy pulled the plug on Kyra Sutra, I saw red. Apparently, he called her before her show even went on and gave her a tongue lashing. The bad kind, not the good kind. Stuff like that really, really irks me. I don't like it when people set themselves up as the arbiters of what is offensive. As far as I am concerned, HE was offensive. I have his email addy if anyone wants to email him some REAL smut.

Now, for Monday's luscious Marcus offering. There are so many to choose from, and he is just sooo beautiful... This is one of his younger pics. His hair's a little longer, his face less weathered. He's really just fantasically gorgeous. The weird thing is, I think I like him better in his 30's. Really. The body is just as hot, but there's something about the character of his face now that he's in his late 30's, that just really makes me shiver. I have a hard time separating Marcus' face from Alaric's personality, so here's a little taste of Alaric Kohl as written by his creator, Opalgirl:

We pull up to the Angel of the Waters Fountain, illuminated with lights the water sparkling in the night. I get out of the carriage and take a deep breath, then turn around and place my hands at her waist, lifting my Angel to the ground. We walk slowly to the fountain and stand in front of it. I wrap my arms around Lexie and rest my chin on her head. “Alexandria? I have something I want to say to you.”

Lex steps away and faces me, “What’s wrong Alaric?” I cursed myself seeing the panic in her eyes. Even after our joining she was still so very unsure. Hopefully, this would finally put her worries to rest.

I kneel down on one knee before her and remove the box from my pocket. “Alexandria Valentine McBain, you are my Beloved. The Angel of my heart and I was so very empty and lost until you invaded my dreams and eventually my soul. Would you grant me the privilege and the honor of being my wife?” I slowly open the box and show her the ring.

Her hands cover her mouth and tears start welling in her eyes, “Oh Alaric! Are you sure this is what you want? Because you don’t have to do this. I wouldn’t ever leave you unless you asked it of me. I don’t need this to know you love me.”

I slowly stand and walk over to her, “I want you, Alexandria. All of you. And most of all, I want the world to know it. I want you to have my name, wear my ring, be my wife, and mother of my children.” I take her hand and slide the ring onto her finger, a perfect fit. “And always, always remember that I am the lucky one. Lucky that you saw the worth in me and allowed me to love you. Not the other way around.” I cup her face and wipe away her tears with my thumbs. “So? You gonna marry me or what, Angel?” I smile down at her.

She nods, “Yes, I’ll marry you. I’ll take your name, I’ll wear your ring, I’ll be your wife and the mother of your children. All of it. I want all of it too, Alaric!” I bend down, capturing her mouth in a hard kiss, pick her up, and swing her around. She breaks the kiss laughing. “I love you, put me down you big giraffe!”

I set her down laughing, “Yeah, but I’m YOUR giraffe, angel.”

Whew! I need to cool myself off after that blast from the Bar past! There are a lot hotter posts, but just imagining Marcus saying those words makes the old ticker thump harder and faster.

Two more things and I can call it quits for today. First up is pimping. I've been reading up about pimping out my blog. All the reading has me thinking maybe I should change the name from Life or Something Like (B)it to It's All About the Bite or Bite Me. My little entrecard and my profile at BlogTalkRadio have the logo with "Bite Me" on it. What do you think?

Also, going hand in hand with the pimping, is that open slot on Fab's show. I kinda, sorta, tentatively, proffered myself to him for that guest slot. I am a BTR newb. I have no clue how it works or what to do or say. But if Fab wants me, I will pimp myself over to his show and try to be scintillating and sexy. BTW, That's a banner for Fab who is pimping himself out for a worthy cause. Please feel free to post that banner on your blog and link it to THIS March of Dimes campaign. Happy Birthday Fab! MUAH

More pimping of my blog: My rant is up over at Today's Gripe and you will find me splashed all over Blogs We Luv on the 11th. I'm learning the pimping ways of the Blogosphere!

My last thing to cover for this post is the Marcus Awards. Next week is our second monthly recap. We are halfway to a prize winner! WOOT! I can hardly wait to tally up the Marcuses to see who is in the lead. This week's leader was Susan with 6 Marcuses. She's followed by Mary with 5, and Tempest with 3. Matt, Jennifer and Kaige each earned 2 Marcuses. Our 1 Marcus winners were: Darla, Harris, Laura, Nicholas, Livvy, Shiny, and Mr. Fabulous. Newcomers Nicola Pedley, Ashley Ladd, Swubird, and Wendy each got 1 Marcus too. Congrats to all! Don't forget to come back and make meaningful comments to earn more Marcuses. And check back a week from today to see who is in the lead for a lovely gift with fangs! Happy Marcus Monday!

Contests, Schmontests

I like a good logic puzzle. I do not like it when I can't solve something or when there is no way to solve it. So the Air France thing is driving me bonkers. It has spoiled CNN for me. I mean, they play the darned commercial every half hour it seems. And no one, not one of you out here, knows how to find this guy. I'm even giving away a fanged t-shirt and no one can find the winner. Maybe I need to give away the fanged clock, fanged pillow, fanged hat, or fanged boxers instead. What do I gotta give away to get an answer? *sigh* I'm so depressed over this. I hate it when there is no solution to a puzzle.

Mr. Fabulous is going to give out info on his cleavage contest tomorrow. This is great! I have just the picture for him! Me and a black satin Fredericks of Hollywood corset. Unfortunately for me, the PITA bought a leopard print bra yesterday at Frederick's and gave me a pic for submission to Mr. Fab's contest. Apparently, she liked the Amish clay man on Fab's blog. I don't think I stand a chance against 18 year old double D's. Well, tomorrow he's posting the rules, so maybe I can beat her that way. Maybe she's not eligible. *EG*

I visit Blogs We Luv on occasion. Today I was over there and noticed that they are having a contest. Ooooh... contest. So I checked it out. To get more entries to the contest I had to answer 10 questions about my blog. That wasn't so hard. I mean, I like to talk about myself and the crap that I post. What's that? You're laughing over my use of the word "talk"? Okay, I babble. There. Ya happy now? Geez, the abuse a dork has to take even on the net these days.

Matt-Man over at Bagwine Ruminations gives out a major award each week. Since I was the recipient last week I had to go read the blog of this week's winner and leave a comment. It's really nice to click links and be taken to other worlds. Or rather, the world of other people. I am keeping the C.O.W. posted on my blog so that everyone who comes by knows that I said something of worth at least once in this life.

A little appreciation can go a long way toward making someone's day go a lot better. Whether it's winning a contest or an award or just telling them that they are "utterly fabulous" (thanks Nicholas!), the appreciation is well, ... appreciated! I know that I appreciate all of YOU, who come by here to read my babbles and see the pics of hot men that I post. For you guys, if the PITA doesn't qualify for Mr. Fab's contest I will post her bra pic here, just to show you that I appreciate you! And no, I'm not pimping my kid out. The pic's on her My Space.

I promise to get back to McKenna the writer and her hot model Rafael soon. I gotta get caught up at the Bar, and I'm dealing with some other issues here at home, but I haven't forgotten that I promised to write the next installment. Maybe I'll post some slimy Macaire from the Bar to tide you over. He was creeeepy this week. See you tomorrow for Marcus Monday!

Confessions of a Secret Fluff

Twelve steps work for some people. I don't think it would work for me. I mean, I don't think anyone would take me seriously if I got up in front of the group and said, "Hi. My name is Winter and I'm secretly fluffy. I have an obsession with... designer handbags." I am fluffy. Girlie. Googly eyed over some really feminine things. I never used to be like this. I used to be a much more hardy soul. As I get older though, I find myself liking some of these freakishly feminine things. Things that are distinctly... fluffy.

Now, I promise not to post my kid's baby pics or give you a TT with 13 reasons why I love my old man, but c'mon. I've subjected you to my purple toes already! So you know I like to do the pedicure thing. Well, I've graduated. I now do the pedicure AND manicure thing. I even buy my own OPI polish so I'm not using the salon's watered down stuff. I have a thing for OPI's Russian Collection. Currently, my fingers have on Russian Navy and my toes have Affair in Red Square. I have Siberian Nights, Midnight in Moscow, and Catherine the Grape too. Manicures and pedicures are fluffy things. You do not give a shit about my manicure and pedicure, do you?

Well, I'm copping to the mani/pedi thing only as a preface to showing you how serious my illness truly is. I came home yesterday wiped out from more than 10 hours at the office without lunch and nary a break. I checked taxbrain.com and lo and behold, my refund has hit the bank. CHA CHING. What did I, in my exhausted state, do? I went to eBay. I went to eBay and typed in 3 little words. DOONEY AND BOURKE. $86 and a matching star purse and wallet later, I left eBay and went to... uh huh, you guessed it... dooneyandbourke.com. I checked out the price of the giraffe print purse I've been lusting over for months. I checked out a cool bracelet. I put them both in the shopping cart and almost had a coronary. The cart was almost $300 once tax and shipping was slapped on. Holy Handbags!

Okay, I saved the cart. I did not check out. That was the first non-fluffy thing I'd done since I got home, if you discount sitting in front of the computer in my underwear and a ratty Eddie Bauer t-shirt. I went back to eBay... and found that same giraffe print bucket purse WITH a matching wallet going for less than the price of the brand new giraffe print purse. I put in a bid and someone promptly topped me. After that, I put the item on watch. I've been watching since last night. The auction ends tomorrow. I have not yet decided to buy the purse. Even though it is used, if it goes for less than $200 it is a steal. So, I'm watching.

While I'm watching tonight, after yet another 10+ hour day with no lunch break, I find a Dooney bracelet. This one has charms on it... fucking PINK charms. Ooooh. The one in the cart at Dooney's website doesn't have charms and is $55 + Tax + Shipping. This one is less than $50, has free shipping and no tax. At 3 minutes left in the auction, I'm a click fiend. The bracelet is now mine.

So, do you think that has satisfied my girlish obsession for awhile? Nuh uh. I'm still watching the giraffe purse. I still lust after it more than I lust after Matt-Man's knobby knees and tented boxers. I lust after it more than I lust after Marcus. *GASP* That is like the ultimate fluffy confession. That I want a giraffe print designer handbag more than Marcus Schenkenberg. I suppose it's because the purse is attainable, and Marcus, to my everlasting dismay, is not.

I am mostly sardonic in nature, but deep inside me there is a fluffy feminine girl who buys designer purses, paints her toenails purple or red, loves getting a manicure and pedicure, and... wants a Tiffany padlock pendant. *sniff* I'm sorry. I know you all thought I was above that girlish squeeing behavior. Go ahead. Feel free to call me a poser. I feel like one. Take away my Dooney camera bag purse with the rainbow candy colored zipper. I deserve your scorn. Maybe I'll make up for it by giving Mr. Fabulous a cleavage shot in a Frederick's of Hollywood black satin corset to post for his cleavage contest. After all, no self respecting fluff, who adores Victoria's Secret, would buy her corset at Frederick's. I, however, wouldn't think of buying it anywhere else but the last bastion of skanks and sluts. I guess there's hope for me after all.